live like that past

Fun.Joy.Laughter.Love

I put in lots of effort.. What scarifice i made, you're very clear.. I did it just because considerations of you, i can jolly well be selfish and keep it.. but i didnt, just because of you, i dont want to see you so stressed up.. Just want to let you enjoy life.. How hard was it to part something i really love and treasure.. Do you know? Just because i love you more.. I can only say I'll continue to try my best.. When i say I'll "try" I really will.. At least i mean what I say..

If I live like my past, you will feel broken one fine day.. So i rather be the broken one now, I'm trying to save everything..

Love love (",)

my love

shock of my life

shock of my life
fast and furious
1day i lost the senior
1day i got the junior
1day i lost the junior
1day i got the senior
is this a prank?
why must it all come at once?
i'm not a robot i have feelings
maybe things will pick for the better, i hope
just dont think of whats gone, at least i got something back
isnt meant to be mine
we wished for it but its the wrong timing now..
all i can say is we are sorry..
blame us for being useless but we love you.
hope the sacrifice is worth it..

last thing..
Be careful what you wish for people..

(amanda although we are extremely close friends but i dont need everything the same)

say yes

i take it as a comma not a fullstop..
its going to have a 2nd part..
I BELIVE..

how can i forget you

everything of me seems to have you..
look at my fb account, even this blog's profile..
its done for him, so he know what im doing when he's overseas..
im still thinking how to get this news over to people but leaving a good impression of you in their mind.
worry for you, thinking of what can i help you, even when im so broken.
my clothes, bags, hair, phone, places everything........ all i think is you.
do you feel the same??
im mad..

shit.. now i treat eveyone so bad, even my grandma, i used to be very patience and tolerant to her.. now i scold her, ans her, give everyone a black face..
all because you're not there..
I need you! I love you!

everything seems too late

everything seems too late, i know whats helpless now.. the thing is i'm not the one that did nothing and wait and expect it to fall from the sky.. i did everything.. why is it impossible?? i already change.. cry myself to zzz, cry myself awake. i cant help to think of the happy time and our plans.. seriously i dont need what beautiful plans.. i just need to be with my loved ones. no grand weddings, expensive holidays, branded stuff.. everyone thinks i need them but i dont, if i have is a bonus if not i happy too.. but this isnt the case.. i gt pushed around. actually i had many photos not yet updated, but i dont feel like now, its all the happy moments.. our outings, our dogs, farm dogs, edmund bd................................................... some are even so sweet.. we were perfectly the day before then the next say we reached a point that cant be savaged.. its was very sudden to me, i really thought hes the one, very confident in him if not i wont bring him home, plan so much and spend so much time.. every morning i wake up crying that hes isnt mine anymore but im also thinking what can i do for him.. i know exactly whats happening and what should i do.. its hard and it takes time.. people around are trying to help me but im always looking excuse for him.. sorry everyone!! i dont blame him at all, it always takes two hands to clap and i know i always treated him badly till recently i changed, i realise im wrong but its too late.. but thats because i love him too much thats why im paranoid.. i didnt regret at all, everything was sweet to me even quarrels.. i love you junjie!!

now i got to think how to break the news to my family.

(maybe alot of you are laughing at me now, but i dont care.. i admit i'm the one that really need him)
*its a slim chance but at least theres chance..
* if miracle exsits show me one.. i need it badly.. any price im willing
i need you badly..